


hearts are meant to break

by orphan_account



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Chimera Ants Aftermath, Gen, M/M, Post-Series, Reunion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-22
Updated: 2014-08-22
Packaged: 2018-02-14 07:01:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2182341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gon and Killua meet up years later, and Killua lets go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	hearts are meant to break

They sit on the edge of a cliff, just the setting sun and the clouds in stark colors against the deepening blue. There’s no sound but the soft sound of ocean waves against the surf, and the wind through the trees. Insects and birds chatter loudly, perched on tangled branches or tufts of grass. Everything seems alive here; the taste salty air, the sweet scent of grass. Killua stares out at the horizon, focusing on the glittering lights over the water.

 

Alluka is down below them, her tiny figure outlined as she plays by the ocean waves. Palm is looking after her, standing in a white dress that fans out in the breeze. Alluka is farther down the beach than she is, a few more moments than Killua would care to spend in an emergency, but it’s all right. He trusts Palm, despite the rocky way their relationship had started. And Alluka is getting better at protecting herself (she is a Zoldyck after all, which is something that Killua never thought he would say with pride). 

 

The two of them make a nice picture, their dark hair against the brightness of the setting sun. Seeing Alluka playing and laughing, like the child she’s supposed to be, goes a long away in helping Killua believe he’s finally doing something right. 

 

But as much as he’d like to lose himself in watching over his little sister, he can’t forget who’s sitting beside him. The real reason that the four of them are gathered together on a far-off island. 

 

Gon is taller than he is now, just by a little bit. His hair, of course, adds a few inches, but even without, Killua has to tilt his gaze just slightly upwards to meet his eyes. It’s disconcerting, where they had always been similar heights. Gon is broader, too, where Killua has only stayed skinny and lithe. 

 

It’s only been a few years, really, since they’ve seen each other. It’s not really that long, time-wise. They’ve gone without seeing Kurapika for much longer. He knows Gon hasn’t been in contact with Leorio, not since Cheadle was elected chairman, because Leorio complains about it whenever Killua drops over to visit. He’s always going off about Kurapika and Gon, and how they never return his calls, or his emails. Killua almost wishes he were bold enough to phone Gon ten times in a row, like Leorio does, but really, he’s never even gotten around to punching in all the numbers of whatever contact information is most recent.

 

If Killua really had to pick one relationship out of the four of them to last, he never would have predicted himself and Leorio. But Alluka needs a doctor. She gets sick, and Killua hates people he doesn’t know poking and prodding at his sister (especially when they’re doctors who try to insist that Alluka is a _boy_ , and that they both have it all wrong). Killua trusts Leorio, at least as far as Alluka’s health is concerned. 

 

Killua wonders if Gon has someone to go to, when he gets himself into trouble (as always). He wonders if Gon has someone to call, when he’s feverish or sick or having some kind of obscene allergic reaction. Maybe he does, but Gon has always had a wide lucky streak. He’s probably done just fine.

 

He looks fine, really. A little more like the adult Gon that haunts Killua’s nightmares than he’s entirely comfortable with, but that’s fine. He’s growing up. They both are, even without each other there to see it.

 

It’s not that Killua hasn’t accepted that they’ve gone separate ways (it took a year or two, but he got there in the end), though he still thinks on Gon every so often. It’s just little things, like passing through streets, seeing things Gon might have liked, once. It’s bittersweet, but more good than bad. It makes him more adventurous, following after something Gon might have dragged him to see otherwise. Luckily, Alluka has similar tastes; she loves anything bright and flashy. 

 

Gon has been a positive influence on both their lives, despite everything that happened in NGL, despite his absence. Killua can’t bring himself to regret any of it, even though the last time they spent together was so painful. He wishes, sometimes, that things might have ended up differently. That he could have seen Gon grow up alongside his sister, travelled the world with them both. But the time for that is past now. He and Alluka are starting to make lives for themselves, not just aimlessly wandering, or running from their family. Gon is probably doing the same. 

 

Killua watches the horizon, tries not to look at Gon to closely, tries not to search traces for the boy he’d known years ago. It’s harder than he thought, and Gon doesn’t make it easier, with his eyes fixed on Killua rather than the sky. 

 

Once, Killua would have given anything to have Gon look at him, really look. 

 

“Hey,” Gon says, and his voice is lower, without the childish lilt to it. “I’m sorry, Killua,” He doesn’t say anything else, doesn’t go on to talk about what they could have done, the sights they could have seen, how they could have spent their lives together. Killua doesn’t think he could listen, anyway. 

 

Killua looks at him for a moment, and Gon’s eyes are dark and unwavering. Serious. He meets Killua’s eyes without flinching, the way Killua almost wants to. Not because he’s afraid, but because looking at Gon reminds him of things, things he knows he should forget. 

 

“It’s all right,” Killua says, and for the first time, he really means it. 

 

They’re different people now, than the Gon and Killua who raced across the world together, who fought through everything back to back, who stayed up all night, laughing. They’re not children any more, but they’re also not the boy who only wanted to find his father, or the kid running from his family, from everything.

 

And that’s all right. Killua believes it. He has to believe it, because it’s the only way either of them will ever move on. Killua gets to his feet, and calls for Alluka over the sound of the waves. She looks back, and waves to him, her expression too far away for him to see. And he goes after her, falling toward the beach, leaving Gon alone on the cliff. 

 

He doesn’t turn back.


End file.
